As I sit and wonder what it’ll be like on NBC’s birthday, I have so much anticipation about what that day will be like.
I really feel like I just am hitting the calm before the storm happens. I’ve almost exhausted everything I can do while on bed rest and am starting to get a little restless inside. My emotions have been fluctuating between anticipation/nervousness/restlessness/wondering expectations/excited feelings, but the one thing that has never left me is the peace I feel from God. I truly feel at peace with everything and though I know it’s going to be hard what we’re about to face; I know God will give me the strength to get through it.
I turned 34 weeks this past Sunday and am thankful for every week we can make it closer to 36, which is our ultimate goal (since Jr was born then, I didn’t have any shots with him, and he was happy and healthy when he came). I really do have to keep praying that God will give me the strength to get through these next couple weeks, knowing it’s the best thing I can do for the baby. No question about it, I’m tired and worn out from this pregnancy, but in the times when I get down and discouraged all I have to do is remember how blessed I am to actually be carrying a baby and how this is just another part of the mom job. I told A that I feel as if I’m going through training camp right now and oh what a celebration it’s going to be when NBC is born!
Last week Jr spiked a temp and clearly didn’t feel good for quite some time. I of course took advantage of the much needed cuddle time and rocked him while he rested his head on my shoulder. It was at that moment I never wanted to let go. I loved having that special time with him and truly just soaking up the hugs and cuddles from my sweet innocent boy. There’s truly nothing like a mother/father’s love. It’s unconditional and anytime I think of our Father up in heaven I truly feel as if I’m laying my head on his shoulder and He’s telling me, “I love you and everything is going to be okay.” It’s no wonder I have the peace I do about NBC’s situation, because I’m constantly hearing God tell me “I love you and everything is going to be okay!” God reminds us on a daily basis just how much He loves us and that He is ever faithful in all that He does!
As I anticipate the arrival of NBC, I step back to think about the day I found out he/she was just beginning to be created in my womb. I was ecstatic/thrilled/surprised/nervous and about every emotion in-between. I royally found out about the earliest you could find out that you’re pregnant. The OB I saw, did an u/s and you could royally see a black dot (you couldn’t even see the heart beat yet because it was so early). She informed me that yes I was pregnant, but only about a month or so. I was so full of joy and could have jumped to the heavens that day. I couldn’t wait to tell A that #2 was on the way! This whole journey has been full of twist, turns, a couple bumps, and will probably continue to be a roller coaster ride. I am filled with overflowing emotion as I truly think about the path we have in front of us. Most of my fears/worries/anxiety about the weeks to come are superseded by the peace/joy/thankfulness/love from the Lord. God is truly working in marvelous ways and I can’t begin to imagine how He is going to use this experience in our lives. As I enthusiastically await the arrive of NBC, I can only imagine how soft his/her baby skin will feel as he/she is nestled in my arms against my chest, who he/she will look like, and what a huge blessing this little baby is going to be to our family. He/she will understand that He places a certain calling in everyone’s life. He/she will be raised with a love for the Lord and the understanding of His saving grace.
I am anticipating each of those moments and so much more!
In my anticipation I can still here the Lord say to me, “Do not be afraid!” It’s so hard to go into the unknown, but Jesus wants us to say “I trust in You Lord,” please guide and direct me.
A friend of mine wrote something to me the other day that really touched my heart. She wrote, “Remember that Jesus had a warm, comfy cradle waiting for Him in Nazareth. It stayed empty on his birthday! Instead, He was born in unfamiliar and uncomfortable surroundings. It was the love from Mary and Joseph that made the stable at Bethlehem a beautiful and holy place. Your love for NBC will make the NICU holy and beautiful too!”
I believe that God knits every child together in the womb, just like Psalms 139:13-14 says, “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” -Proverbs 3:5
3 comments:
Oh Angie, what a beautiful comment from your friend! It felt strange at first, that the CICU was my baby's cradle, but she is so right! The love that will fill that room making it truly his perfect cradle.
I am SO glad you know God's Love and Peace! How deep is the love we have for our children, and yet His Loves so far exceeds ours that we can't even begin to comprehend it! That was my biggest comfort while Joey was in CICU, and going through so much uncertainty. No matter how much I love him, there is Someone who Loves him EVEN MORE and who Loves us so perfectly that He is taking care of us through all of this. I wrote about it
http://lavitabella-tramma.blogspot.com/2010/06/roller-coaster.html
Wrap yourself in His peace and Love. I won't pretend - there are some TOUGH times ahead. But resting in Him, breathing His grace, and knowing His love will support you more than anything else. I never lost my Faith that regardless of what happened, that my Loving God was in control. He would only do what was best for us.
Give that perfect little NBC a gentle pat for me - I am praying for your whole family so many times a day!
Thanks for the kind words and insight Kate! Loved your blog post!
I love the "He knit us in the womb" psalm. It brought me such comfort in the NICU. My daughter's doctors kept referring to her birth defect as a "mistake" in her development--but each time I'd remember that psalm and think "our being here is not a mistake or some random event--we're serving some larger holy purpose right now."
I have a special internal laugh whenever people say "I don't care if my baby is a boy or a girl, as long as it's healthy" after the NICU. It's hard to explain that sick kids come with incredible gifts of grace-- and massively cute individual personalities to match! It's cool to get to express that unconditional love right up front to a little newborn. Hanging out cribside in the NICU is like saying "sick or well, you're OURS and we're so happy to welcome you into the family!"
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