Pictures and more dr appointments

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

In the mist of everything happening I've found extreme comfort in praying and knowing that God will use me in ways I never thought imaginable. I pray that He will help me take all these experiences and share it with others and show them just much grace, guidance, comfort, endless love, and support that God will give you if you just hand it all over to Him. The peace He can give you is simply amazing and to get through the tough times I know I'm going to need Him to by my strength.

Tuesday we announced what's going on to most of our family and friends and the out-pour of thoughts and prayers has been amazing. It brings me so much comfort to know that NBC already has so many people praying for him/her. I truly believe in the power of pray and am so thankful for all the continued prayers that have been laid upon us right now.

Wednesday morning A and I headed down to the University Hospital bright and early to meet an OB, tour where I will deliver/stay, and where baby will be until he/she is moved to Children's. The OB appointment went good, except I think the dr has high hopes that I'm actually going to make it to May (but who knows, it could happen). After our appointment we met with a lady that coordinates all high risk pregnancies and high risk babies between the University and Children's. She showed us the labor and delivery floor and then we toured the NICU. We learned when I deliver that we're going to have quite the "party" in the room. I will have 2-3 doctors and 2 nurses just for me and then as soon as baby is born his/her will have a whole team right there to attend to the him/her. I may or may not be able to hold the baby, it all depends on how he/she is doing. As soon as baby is stable and taken care of he/she will go to the NICU, where A will be able to follow and see everything that's going on. The room I will end up staying in is royally right across from the NICU and I can stay in the NICU as long as I want with the baby.

As Adam wheeled me (I had to be in a wheel chair since I'm suppose to be on strict bed rest, so walking all over would kind of defeat the purpose of bed rest) into the NICU, I once again was brought back to reality that this is going to be hard (probably harder than I can imagine), but I will let God be my strength and I know that through all of this I will become a stronger person. We went to an empty unit and saw where NBC will "hang out" until it's time to go over to Children's. It's a lot to take in when you see other babies hooked up to countless monitors and IV's, with the helpless parent standing next to the incubator. Though there really is noway to prepare for everything we're going to face, I am thankful that we at least have seen where all this is going to take place and have somewhat of a game plan with everything happens.

I talked to a friend the other day who has been through the NICU process. It was nice to ask her "mom" questions and prepare myself the best way I can for what's about to come. She warned me how the hardest thing is going to be when you see your baby for the first time hooked up to countless monitors/etc. She said its hard to leave there crib side and its hard to just let them have there "rest" time (so they can sleep and grow). Most of the babies (depends on circumstances and what not), but can only be held for about 30 min at a time; to me this is what's going to be hard for me. Nonetheless, I will do whatever is best for the baby and just take comfort in knowing that he/she is finally here and doing good.

I don't know if there's an easy way to prepare for everything we're about to go through, but I am thankful that I at least know what's coming and have an somewhat of an idea what to expect. I'm so thankful that we at least know about all of this before and aren't hit with a bomb on its birthday (which is already an emotional day). I really am thankful for the tech that saw something that just didn't look right to her and sent us on for further testing.

Today I had yet another dr's appointment, luckily I can do all my care here and don't have to go to Denver again until the baby is on the way (that will be an exciting drive)! The appointment went good and baby is very active and has a strong heart beat. I will continue to go every week for an ultrasound and regular appointment with Dr. B. I've lost about 9 lb in a week, which obviously isn't good so now I really have to start watch what I'm eating and that I'm eating enough. I really thought I'd been eating like normal, but I think the stress of everything has really taken effect on my appetite.

We've finally come up with our game day game plan! At least its our tentative plan until the day actually comes and then we just start calling audibles. Now it's time to get the bags packed (just in case) and make sure the cameras are ready to capture everything!

I absolutely love pictures! Rarely am I seen without having a camera in my hand; even my son knows what the camera is, and knows to smile anytime its around him! I love how they tell a journey, I love that they help us remember those precious moments that we'll never get back, I also love the endless stories they will always tell! With that here's just a few recent ones:

You think it'll never happen to you...

Rarely do I start off by quoting a bible verse, but I feel it’s only appropriate for me to start this way. 

Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let your petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

My good friend, who just finished chemo treatments, text me this last night and it was exactly what I needed.

As Adam and I waited in the ultrasound room after a 45 min exam of the baby’s heart, we joked that well the techs seemed to be jolly so everything must be okay, right?! During the ultrasound we could see the baby having the hiccups as its chest started moving up and down. Adam asked if I could feel them and of course I could feel the constant little pulse going; I absolutely love that feeling. The techs never gave each other any looks that would raise our concern or shared whispers amongst each other. And then Dr. J (the pediatric cardiologist, whom we’d not met yet) walked through the door and says very solemnly, “We’ll we need to talk.” My heart sank as I started to realize this probably wasn’t going to be good. She asked me to get back on the table so we could look at the baby’s heart. She then pointed out some anatomical features of the baby’s heart to us. After she pointed out just a couple areas, she had me sit back up and then she pulled out a little piece of paper that had two heart diagrams on it. The top picture was of a normal heart and the bottom was of a heart that looked like our unborn child’s. She then proceeds to tell us that NBC has a congenital heart disease known as Coarctation of the Aorta (CoArc). She then goes on to further explain the details of what is going on with NBC’s heart. CoArc is a tight narrowing in the aorta, which is the great vessel that takes blood from the heart to the body. Generally not inherited from parents and definitely not anything the parents did. It really is by chance that NBC has this condition. CoArc makes the main pumping chamber of the heart work harder, raises blood pressure in head and arms, and lowers blood pressure in legs and trunk. If the case is severe, the child may tire quickly, develop slowly, breath rapidly, and appear pale. She told us had they not found out right now, that we would probably had walked in about 3 days after the baby was born only to find him/her blue. She then reassured us that this is completely repairable and that NBC would have surgery about 3-7 days after it was born to repair the narrowing arch. After the surgery the kid can live a completely normal life. He/she will need to have an echo done every year to make sure everything is still working great. And there really is no good way to say this, but out of all the CHD that you can have, CoArc is actually a good one to have. It can be fixed and the person can live a completely normal life. After she was done explaining what exactly NBC has and how we’ll need to treat it; she excused herself to go get the nurse practitioner and surgeon (who would most likely be operating on NBC).

Adam and I just looked at each other after she left and believe it or not we were both at peace in our hearts. I know it doesn’t make sense, but we were and are. We told each other how it’s definitely not good news, but it’s also not the worse news either. We talked about how God put this in front of us and He will help guide us through it.

You never know how you’re going to react or what’s going to come over you when you hear devastating news. The night before Adam and I talked about no matter what God has in store for us that we can handle with His help. Although we thought we had nothing to worry about, we reassured each other that it doesn’t matter what we find out, everything will be okay. I told Adam I just had this peace inside that it’s going to be okay no matter what. It was this incredible peace I had that just filled my heart and felt like a warm blanket wrapped around me. I knew it was God that was giving me this peace and because I had turned everything over to Him, He gave me the peace I needed. I was really surprised how well we took the news. In fact everybody that helped us at the hospital seemed to be surprised about how calm we were.

Finally after awhile the Dr. J, the surgeon, and the nurse practitioner came back to explain everything NBC will go through when he/she arrives. I will have the baby at University Hospital and should be able to hold the baby right away. I should also be able to have the baby naturally, as the stress of labor will be okay for the baby. After he/she is born they will put some medicine through it’s umbilical cord to help with the narrowing. The baby and I will then stay at University until I am discharged. The baby will have to stay in the NICU and won’t be able to stay in my room, so they can monitor its heart and keep a close eye on him/her. Once I’m discharged they’ll take the baby to Children’s for its surgery. The surgery will probably take around 4 hours total (from the time they take the baby to post recovery). I will be able to nurse/pump just like normal and at least one parent can always stay with the baby.  The baby will most likely be in the hospital for a totally of 2 weeks. It really just depends on how the baby does when it’s born, how the surgery goes, how fast the baby recovers, and if baby is eating well. The surgeon explained that they should be able to do a closed heart surgery which means they will go through a little incision in the side underneath the baby’s armpit, which was a relief to know that they shouldn’t have to do an open heart surgery.

It’s sad that sometimes it takes seeing how unfortunately other people are to realize just how blessed you are. As we toured the hospital and saw kids struggling with other diseases and disabilities, I couldn’t help but give thanks for a healthy, happy, talking toddler at home. The toughest part of the day for me was walking through the Cardiac PICU where NBC will stay after surgery for a couple days. Even as I write this my eyes been to water up, because I know this is going to be so hard for me to see my precious little baby hooked up to monitors and tubes. My heart just ached seeing these precious babies fighting for their lives.

We called our parents and siblings to let them know what was going on. I’ve never heard so many shocked voices in my life as I told them what was going on and going to happen. It’s funny because you never think its going to be you that something like this could happen to. I never in a million years would have thought I’m not going to be able to bring my child home right away after I give birth, that my child will be born with a CHD, that I will have to sit by its bedside as it recovers from surgery, and even before all of this that I would have such trouble with pregnancies in general. But thing about it is that, when presented with these things, God gives us the strength that we need to get through it all. I remember talking to my mom one time about a family going through a tough situation and saying, “Oh I could never handle that. I don’t know how those parents do it.” But I do know how they do it, because I’m doing it right now. I could not feel more at peace in my heart that everything is going to be okay and though I have no idea what it’ll be like when he/she is born, I know that with my husband by my side and God leading the way we will get through anything. I know there will be tears, I know it’s going to hurt at times, but in the end I will walk away from this experience even stronger than I am now and give thanks that I have the faith that I do to carry me through all life throws at me.

Everybody we met at Children’s was extremely caring and nice. We were happy with the team we’ve met so far and feel comfortable that our baby will have the utmost care it’s going to need. The funny thing about the people there is they knew we didn’t want to know the sex, so they would call the baby a he/she/it. Most of the time they called it a "he," so Adam is convinced it is a boy.

After phone tag with numerous people trying to line up an OB appointment for this week, we’re finally scheduled to see an OB tomorrow morning.

So we went to PF Chang’s for our date night again this past weekend and here’s what my fortune cookie said: Prepare today for the demands of tomorrow. Plan your move.

"For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory!” Deuteronomy 20:4

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” Proverbs 3:5-8

NBC's heart and a positive fetal fibronectin test

I could not be more at a loss of words than I am right now. Wednesday I was bouncing off the wall after seeing the baby and learning my cervical length had got a little longer than last time. I was stocked knowing that the baby weighed almost 4 lbs (3 lb 13 oz), was practicing breathing, opening its eyes, and just hanging out! NBC had a good heart beat at 130 bpm and I even got to see all four chambers of the heart hard at work. The tech gave me a couple pics and I left on cloud nine. I was so thrilled to share the exciting news with Adam and just so happy that baby appears to be doing great and there was no more shortening of my cervix (it actually got a little longer, went from 4 to 2.6 to just over 3), which is amazing news and reassured me that we can at least make it to April.

And then Thursday happened and my world was shook. As I sat in the drs office I was expecting the usual to happen. Talk about how I’m feeling, do the test, check me, and then off I would go. Dr. B then came in and after we went over how I’ve been doing lately she hit me with a bomb. She told me the tech had noticed something on the ultrasound that needed to be looked at a little further. While doing the anatomical exam, the tech noticed a slight abnormality with NBC’s right atrium. NBC’s right atrium seems to be slightly enlarged. Dr. B reassured me that when this tech sees something like this, it may turn out to be something or it might not be anything at all. She thought it would be a good idea to have further testing done. So what does this mean; I will now have to go to The Children’s Hospital down in Denver to have a fetal echo ultrasound done. They’ll measure the heart more in depth and then a cardiologist will look at the scan and determine if NBC does in fact have an enlarged right atrium. If it does turn out that NBC does have a larger right atrium then once baby is born they’ll run more test and from there we’ll be dealing with a pediatric cardiologist. All I can do for now is pray that everything is okay with baby and know that this is completely in God’s hands and it’s not going to do me or the baby any good to worry about what could be. Dr. B is pretty sure its nothing, but we need to follow up on this just to make sure. After talking a little more she did the fetal fibronectin test. She did not check me, as she did not want to disturb anything.

As if one bomb isn’t enough I then got a call from the nurse later that afternoon to tell me the ff test had come back positive and they’re going to need me to come in tomorrow to receive another shot to help speed up the development of the lungs and hopefully help with the thinning of the lining. A positive ff is a little trickier than a negative. So here’s what all this means in a nutshell: Fetal fibronectin "leaks" into the vagina if a preterm delivery is likely to occur and can be measured in a diagnostic test. It is an excellent biological marker of premature (preterm) delivery (a delivery before 37 weeks of gestation). When the fFN test is positive, it is an inconclusive result. A positive result can indicate that a woman will go into preterm labor soon, but she may not go into labor for weeks. When the fFN test is negative, the result is a better predictor. A negative result means that there is little possibility of preterm labor within the next 7 to 10 days, and the test can be repeated weekly for women who remain at high risk. A negative fetal fibronectin test gives a more than 95% likelihood of remaining undelivered for the next 2 weeks. A systematic review of the medical literature found that fetal fibronectin is a good predictor of spontaneous preterm birth before cervical dilation. The test may be run on patients between 22 and 35 weeks gestation. The test is easily performed and is usually painless. A specimen is collected from the patient using a vaginal swab. The swab is placed in a transport tube and sent to a laboratory for testing. Most labs can easily produce a result in less than one hour.

I just scheduled our fetal echo ultrasound for Monday afternoon. Of course I’m anxious/nervous/scared/etc, but I know God will be our guide and be our strength in whatever may be put in front of us. It’s this reassurance in the Lord that helps me be at ease with everything. Through Him I can do anything!

So for now I will go get the shot and continue to take it super, super easy. We’re really hoping to make it to April 2^nd.  Adam really doesn’t want an April fools baby and the 2^nd is his parents anniversary, so that would be kind of neat. As long we get to April it really doesn’t matter what day baby decides to come. I will be 32 weeks this Sunday and we’re praying that I can get past 34, but again just like the heart thing, it’s all in God’s hands and I know He’ll be our guiding hand through all of this.

I’ve definitely been feeling different lately. The baby is now head down, which causes a lot of pressure for me. Adam even told me last week that I look like a woman in her 3^rd trimester. Just the way I’m moving and holding myself. The contractions are about the same, but luckily no more and definitely no consistency with them. A lot of questions will be answered at the beginning of next week as I go in for the ultrasound and then have a regular appointment on Wednesday. So for now I will continue to pray that God will be our guide and strength through all of this.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."- James 1:17

Pics from the end of February and beginning of March!

A nanny, bed rest, and dr appt tomorrow!

I guess I should have never said "never," but I did and once again it bit me in the behind. I never thought I would have a nanny and now here I am having a nanny come 4 times a week to cook, clean, get groceries, and take care of the Tike. I put up a battle with Adam for awhile about this, because I really didn't want someone doing my job. I take a lot of pride in cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the Tike, Adam, and everything else. It's part of my identity and as a stay at home mom those are just things I do. I grew up that you just do your job, no matter how hard, and that's it. I finally agreed with Adam, that we should hire someone to help us out a little until I'm not on bed rest anymore or until the baby comes. To be honest the only reason I finally agreed to it was because I knew it was the best thing for me and NBC. I had finally come to grasp that my most important job right now is being an incubator. Nothing can replicate what I'm doing for NBC and that has to take priority over everything else right now. I knew if I didn't start taking bed rest seriously that we might have a baby born even sooner than what they're expecting. Every week NBC can stay cooking in my belly, the better. So as hard as it is for me to sit back and let her do my job, I will do it because the biggest job I have right now is keeping NBC put!

We found our nanny on a website called care.com. After reviewing lots of profiles I narrowed it down to a handful and then showed Adam the list. He then picked out Mink. Mink, our nanny, seemed like the nanny we were looking for. She is 47 and had lots of experience with children (is a mom, grandma, karate instructor, went to a nanny school, etc). She was willing to do everything we needed done and her scheduled worked great with when we were going to need her. An email and phone call later and we had her coming in two days. The first time she came I pretty much showed her the ropes and then from there she's just taken off. Mink is doing a great job and the Tike has really taken to her. This morning he was so excited when she came through the door and wasn't very happy that she was cooking instead of playing with him. As his mom (and the person who hides out upstairs while she's here) it melted my heart to see that he's really taken to her and so quickly (this is only her fourth time coming). It seems as though everything is working out and I've definitely needed to take it easy this past couple days, as I feel a lot of changes going on.

So in my bed rest time I've managed to make up all of Jr's highlight photo books (birth-present), print/bind Jr's first year blog, organize/burn all videos and pics, work on my blog, and pretty much anything I can do while sitting on my bottom. I tell Adam I've been nesting like crazy, because I can't do anything else right now.

So not only do we have a good nanny, I'm also very fortunate to have an incredible husband. I give thanks each and every day for the wonderful husband I've been blessed with. Adam has been absolutely amazing since the day I've met him, really he has. He's especially been amazing since I've been put on bed rest. He already did a lot around the house and with the Tike, but somehow he's managed to step up his game even more. I've never seem him (& the Tike) do so much laundry in my life. I'm blessed beyond belief and really can't give thanks enough for the amazing man that I get to share this life with.

The Tike got to feel his brother/sister kick the other day for the first time. His face was absolutely priceless when he felt his hand move. He didn't quite know what to think of what was going on.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't look at the Tike and just smile on the inside and out. It's amazing watching him grow each and every day.  He's so much fun right now and is really growing into our little boy. I'm amazed at how fast he catches onto things and how if he really likes something he never forgets about it. Lately he's been signing crocodile to us all the time (Adam and I call it the gator chomp). We sing him "Row, Row, Row," and the version that's in one of his favorite books ends with "If you see a crocodile don't forget to scream!" So of course, we always do crocodile and now so does he. He constantly wants to pray too. It melts my heart to see him sign/say pray all the time. We always pray before we eat and then right before bed. It's so cute how he'll clap his hands together and look at us to see if we're going to pray. In preparation for NBC we've been explaining that he's going to be a big brother and have him give the baby (my belly) kisses all the time. He's constantly saying, "Hi Baby," too! He says it is the cutest little voice. We've also had him practice saying NBC's names (boy and girl name) and "Big Brother!" He's also into saying, "Oh no," if something goes wrong. I believe this comes from his favorite song, "The octopus song." It's kind of a food chain song of the ocean and each time one of the animals is eaten we say "Oh no!" It's cute because his sock will come off and he'll pick it up and say, "Oh no!" Or he'll drop something and look at us and say, "Oh no!" The way he says it is just so cute! His little mind continues to grow each day and the words continue to flow. I don't think we can go a day right now without him saying something new! What a fun stage!

Last week I went in and they tried to run the fetal fibronectin test, however the results couldn't be processed. So unfortunately the past two weeks in a row we've not been able to have that test done. I call it our 2 week insurance policy. Hopefully when she runs it on Thursday we can get the results back. During my appointment last week she checked me and not much had changed, which is good news. NBC's heart rate was 135 bpm too. Everything seems to be going great with the baby. I go in tomorrow for an ultrasound to measure my cervix length and then on Thursday I have a checkup with the dr. I'm anxious to see what we will learn in these next couple days.

So last weekend Adam and I went out for our date night. We went to have dinner at PF Chang's and here's what our fortune cookies said:
A pleasant surprise is coming your way. 02, 12, 21, 25
You will soon receive pleasant news of a personal nature. 03, 10, 18, 24, 31

-I wonder if any of the numbers will be the date when NBC is born?!

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him."- Psalm 62:5